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Most Value Creation Plans are just lists of hopes with formatting.
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Most “strategy” is just avoiding the awkward conversation about distribution.
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Every PE portfolio company is now expected to have an AI strategy.
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Everyone in private equity keeps talking as if the old playbook is just having a temporary wobble.
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Private equity is entering the part of the film where the easy tricks stop working.
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The investor update is now a literary genre.
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The safest asset class in the room just started checking the exits.
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A lot of firms sell an operating model. They bought a Trello board.
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Standardisation is what people demand when they don’t trust management.
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Private equity “returning to its roots” is a polite way of saying the party ended and someone finally turned the lights on.
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Operating partners need a badge and a gun, not another steering committee invite.
Private equity keeps hiring “value creation” people, then sends them into portfolio companies with zero mandate, zero budget, and the authority level of a polite email. And then everyone acts confused when the plan doesn’t happen. Obvious value creation: We underwrote 300 bps of margin expansion from “procurement synergies.