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“We’re a family” is one of the great lies of modern business.
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Attribution is the agency’s favourite magic trick.
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“Proprietary deal flow” is mostly just code for “we knew a guy who wasn’t running a process… yet.”
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If I were building a PE firm from scratch today, I wouldn’t start by chasing capital.
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You didn’t hire that agency. You hired the version of them that turned up to the pitch.
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A lot of PE firms already raised their last fund.
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Excel and PowerPoint have had an absurdly good run in private equity.
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Everyone says they want to be “data driven”.
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Private equity’s old playbook did not break. It expired.
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“The trick is not minding that it hurts.”
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